If you are like many parents, the prospect of having your college-aged son or daughter home for the holidays can feel both exciting and a little bit daunting. You might anticipate seeing a happy, healthy young adult eager to participate in holiday activities and family traditions.
While that may be the case, it’s also important to prepare for alternative scenarios. During their time away at college, your student has likely developed a greater sense of independence. They might revel in their newfound autonomy, which could lead to challenges around house rules or long-held family values.
On the other hand, you might notice that your once carefree child seems distant or on edge. They could be struggling with “coming home from college” depression or anxiety triggered by added responsibility and increased demands on their time. In fact, according to research from the American College of Health Association research, 63% of US college students report experiencing overwhelming anxiety.
So, how do you know when to worry about your college student? What are the signs that they may be struggling with depression, anxiety, or another mental health concern? And how can parents offer meaningful support for college students while they’re home for the holidays?
College Students and Mental Health
College campuses are facing a mental health crisis, with rates of mental illness among students at an all-time high. According to a recent U.S. News & World Report survey, 70% of students reported struggling with mental health issues since starting college.
Now more than ever, students are seeking support for challenges like depression, anxiety, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, substance abuse, and trauma. But what aspects of college life are contributing to these mental health struggles?
Now more than ever, students are seeking support for challenges like depression, anxiety, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, substance abuse, and trauma.
For many, the mental health impact of being in school is extremely challenging. Some students must work to cover expenses, serve as caregivers for their families, or manage personal health issues — all of which require significant time, energy, and attention. As a result, their grades may suffer.
Academic pressure itself is a major stressor. A study published in Frontiers in Psychology identified academic stress as “the single most dominant stress factor affecting the mental well-being of college students,” with a strong link between higher stress levels and poorer mental health.
Consequently, test anxiety compounds this issue. Students who struggle with test anxiety may experience physical, emotional, and behavioral or cognitive symptoms, such as panic attacks, negative self-talk, or even depression. Organizations like The Princeton Review offer strategies to help minimize stress and improve test performance.
Social demands also contribute to mental health challenges. For some young adults, being away from home for the first time can lead to feelings of loneliness or homesickness. Moreover, adjusting to life with roommates, building friendships, and navigating intimate relationships can further heighten anxiety or depression.
While your child is home for the holidays, it’s important to take time to assess their health and well-being. Familiarize yourself with the signs and symptoms of mental health disorders so you can provide support if needed.
When to Worry About Your College Student
How can you tell if your child is struggling with mental illness? One key indicator is a dramatic personality shift, such as notable changes in their mood or behavior.
Clinical depression often manifests as pervasive sadness or hopelessness that feels out of place, underscoring the importance of accessible support for college students who may be grappling with mental health struggles.
Dr. Claudia Black, Meadows Senior Fellow and Clinical Architect of the Claudia Black Young Adult Center, explains that a young person with depression may come home and seem quieter than usual. They may isolate from friends and family or have difficulty participating in activities. You may notice changes in their sleep patterns — either sleeping excessively or being up at night.
A young person with depression may come home and seem quieter than usual. They may isolate from friends and family or have difficulty participating in activities.
Furthermore, a phenomenon known as “coming home from college” depression, or the “back home blues,” can occur. In college, your child may develop new habits or explore different aspects of their personality. Returning home can be challenging as they confront their former self or familiar surroundings, which may lead to feelings of irritation, frustration, annoyance, or sharpness in their communication.
Depression and anxiety often share similar symptoms, but a child with anxiety may also seem restless, wound-up, or overly fixated on certain topics or objects. They may struggle to control feelings of worry and, in some cases, even experience physical symptoms like heart palpitations or intense panic. While occasional anxiety is normal, persistent or overwhelming anxiety may indicate a deeper issue.
Another area of concern for college parents is substance abuse. According to Research.com, 44.9% of full-time college students reported using drugs in 2018. If you suspect your child may be using substances, look for changes in their peer group, deteriorating relationships at home, neglect of personal grooming, slurred speech, poor coordination, the smell of smoke or alcohol on their breath or clothing, or drug-related items in their belongings.
Similarly, some students may turn to self-harm as a way to cope with overwhelming emotions. A 2020 Healthy Minds study found that 23% of college students reported engaging in non-suicidal self-injury during the previous year. Warning signs of self-harm include visible scars, fresh cuts, scratches, bruises, or bite marks; excessive rubbing of an area to create a burn; carrying sharp objects; wearing long sleeves or pants in warm weather; or frequent claims of accidental injuries.
If your college student is struggling with mental health issues, there is hope. A strong parent-child connection can provide vital support for college students, and many professional resources are available to assist both you and your child.
How to Support Your College Student
Why is family support important for college students? Some parents may believe their role ends when a child turns 18, but that couldn’t be further from the truth, says Dr. Black. While young adults are making their own decisions and boundaries have widened, they still crave connection with you.
“They want to know you love them,” Dr. Black explains, “and that is demonstrated by giving them your time, validating them for who they are, listening to them with unconditional love, and, if needed, engaging in ‘tough love’ — setting limits with choices and consequences.”
It is possible to support your college student while still respecting their autonomy. Here are some practical tips provided by Dr. Black to keep in mind, especially during holiday breaks when they’re home:
Call Out the Good
Let your child know you’re proud of them. Students who are anxious about their grades and academic performance may be particularly self-critical. Recognize their efforts and remind them that their mental health is more important than grades.
Encourage Their Passions
Ask about what excites them and encourage them to pursue those interests. Find ways to connect with them through shared activities that don’t involve performance or pressure.
Share Your Experiences
Be transparent about your own mistakes as a young adult, whether it was over-studying, partying too much, or other challenges. Let them know you understand what they’re going through.
Apologize if Needed
If you’ve pushed them too hard or set unrealistic expectations, don’t hesitate to apologize. Assure them that their well-being is your top priority.
Cultivate Connection
Kick-start a digital detox by setting boundaries on technology use during meals and other meaningful family moments. Encourage activities that foster real-time connections instead of relying on gaming or social media. If technology is unavoidable, consider hosting a movie watch party with out-of-town relatives, creating a fun family video, or using mobile devices for an interactive scavenger hunt.
Reassure Them You’re Present
Make sure your child knows that your relationship is not limited to occasional visits. Be intentional about dropping in at school, sending them notes or care packages, and finding other ways to remind them you’re thinking of them.
Remember, even the most attentive parents need help. If you notice your child’s symptoms worsening, address them directly and encourage them to speak with a professional. Let them know you are here to help as you take the next step.
Claudia Black Young Adult Center Can Help
If your college-aged child is showing signs of mental health challenges, you don’t have to face it alone. At the Claudia Black Young Adult Center, we specialize in supporting young adults ages 18 to 26 using our proven Meadows Model. Our compassionate and experienced team is equipped to address a wide range of issues, including unresolved trauma, substance abuse, and mental health conditions. We are dedicated to helping your child heal, grow, and embrace their full potential. Contact us today to learn how we can help.
What to Say vs. What Not to Say
Talking with young adults can sometimes feel like walking on eggshells. Here are some helpful tips on what to say — and what to avoid — when addressing common concerns.
| Issue | Avoid | Try Instead |
|---|---|---|
| Depression | “You seem depressed.” | “You’ve been quiet and withdrawn lately. How long have you felt like this?” |
| Anxiety | “Just relax — it’s not a big deal.” | “Let’s work through this together.” |
| Performance Anxiety | “Why are your grades down this semester?” | “What are you enjoying in your classes and at school?” |
| Substance Use | “Why don’t you just stop?” | “I’m sorry you’re struggling. How can I help?” |
| Self-Harm | “Why would you do this?” | “I can see you are hurting. Let’s talk about it.” |